I Made Food!

I made bircher muesli and so can you

My problem with cereal is the crunch crunch. Mornings should be quiet dignified times, not bite sized moments of carnivale. This is why I traditionally gravitate away from the medically approved bowl of frosted sugar flakes and towards other options, perhaps a lightly toasted piece of bread with hummus and fresh slices of tomato, or yellow clouds of scrambled eggs. 

Every few months I am struck by the urge for bircher muesli. The combination of oats and fruit and yoghurt makes one feel very fortified and transported to an alpine Swiss sanatorium, just like what I remember from the first few pages of Mann’s incredibly boring Magic Mountain.

Messy but delicious. 

The night before—I always feel breakfast recipes that reqire action the night before are a little precious, but bear with it—take an amount of oats. I think 1/4 of a cup is good. Into a mixing bowl add a bit more than 1/8 of a cup of water and the juice of a half a lemon. Stir it all about and then perhaps sprinkle in some more oats or some more water. Put into the fridge and wait staring at the clock until some suitable AM time. 

The next day get it out of the fridge. Grate a green apple, skin too. Put the oats into a eating bowl—although if your self esteem was low you could just eat from the mixing bowl, we’ve all been there—and add the grated apple.

Now add a few spoons of some sort of yoghurt. Most recently I’ve been using creamy greek yoghurt which goes very well indeed.

Oh, in the mean time, possibly during your 12 hour wait, roast some hazelnuts (170 for 7 or so minutes) and then try to remove as much of the skins as possible by rubbing them in a tea towel. Roughly crush a few and them put them on your muesli. 

Now add some more fruit, perhaps some notblue-blueberries. Then do your signature over the top with honey. Now eat, feel very virtuous, and forget all about that greasy burger you ate the night before. Das ist gut!

I made avocado toast and so can you

This was a moment where I realised supermarket tomatoes are sent by the tomato god—Italian Jesus?—to merely mock us. Even the ‘truss’ tomatoes, with their little green headgear. They may look the look, but they don’t taste the taste.

Today’s breakfast was simple. And meant to be delicious.

Toasted seedy bread. The more seeds the better, until you reach the stage where you’re simply pouring seeds into your toaster, of course. Add some butter, once toasted. Spread the first affordable avocado you can find. The riper the better. Premature avocado does weird things to my tongue. Hass avocados are the best. Those shepherd avocados are mean fellows. I like gouging it out and then smooshing it into the toast. Then slice some tomatos—judas supermarket tomatoes, purchased for 30 peices of silvers—and put on top. The usual salt and pepper. Then a few peices of lovely pickled jalapeños. Then some sort of acid: lemon juice in today’s case, but normally some balsamic, or some leftover vinaigrette.   

Then eat. In my case, feel abject disappointment. The sound of a trombone mercilessly mocking. Nelson going Ha Ha. Mediate briefly on the need for quality stuff. And scene. 

I think this recipe was once Jill Dupleix’s. 

I made eggs and so can you

Fry some onion, garlic. Sprinkle some cumin, then add some sliced salami and tomato. Fry for a little more. Add a few leaves of shredded Basil. Break two eggs into a bowl, add some s&p, a dash of milk if you like, then whisk a little with a fork. Add eggs to fry pan. Wait till semi-set, then jiggle about. Cook, but don’t over cook.

Meanwhile, toast an english muffin, make a cup of tea. Butter the muffins, then jumble the eggs next to them. Shred some parsley and put that on top. Put a few swirls of rooster (or any hot sauce) and maybe put a wedge of lime on the plate too. A final grind of pepper and there you go.

An exceedingly delicious breakfast.